I am excited to go to Mepkin Abbey

I will drive our 13 year old, wrecked, Honda Civic to Mepkin Abbey tomorrow. Mepking Abbey is about 4 hours from my house. One of my favorite things about Mepkin Abbey is that it sits along the cusp of the Cooper River. Long dangling trees and vines cascade own the large hills and pastures that watch over the banks of the Cooper River. Mepking Abbey has its own ecosystem. As I go to Mepkin, I often feel that I am going into another system of the planet. It seems as if I am going to visit a foreign place. Well, this time, as I have prepared to go, it makes me feel a litte less crazy as I head into that foreign land. I have prepared my heart. I have been writing about Mepkin, I have been talking about Mepkin, and I have even invited a friend to go along with me. Even the fact that I would invite another person to go into that foreign teritory is a sign of something good happening. Now while he just told me he is not going, the fact remains, I was able to invite him to go, and therefore, I was trying to bring the world of Raleigh into the world of Mepkin Abbey. Its all part of God's plan.

In the past I have tried to hold Mepkin Abbey to myself, selfishly. Sometimes I believe that I had a religious smugness and self righteousness about my visits to Mepkin. I often felt that I was a "super Christian," or a religious elite as I spent time praying, as I spent time thinking about my faith, and as I dedicated so many hours to the religious life. As I prepare this time, I now see that these feelings of "pride" are problematic. These thoughts are problematic because these thoughts distance me from my brothers and sisters. As I reflect on my experiences at Mepkin, and my tendency to be"super spiritual," I re-commiting myself to fight against these bad instincts. In the end, my only hope is Jesus. As hard as I try, I will come back to creating some sort of superiority complex. But then, as I do this, I will deposit myself into the mix of the monastery. As I get deposited there, the silence of God will begin to work on my little heart. The silence of God will begin to uncover my secret sins, and the silence of God will bring me back to my knees.

I am excited to go to Mepkin again. I have been going since the year 2000. I remember my first time. I remember talking to Father Christian, and I remember telling him that I would be getting married in 3 months. He lit up when I told him I was getting married. "You have to feed your marriage, you have to feed it." Whatever that means, I do not know. But it seems right. And it seems that what Father Christian said about my upcoming marriage, is vital to consider as I think about my relationship with God. As much as God feeds me, I must feed God. I know that I do not really feed God, but as I let Him use me, as I let myself be free of my own desires and hopes, I allow His love of me to take over.

As I prepared to go, I ran across some pictures of Mepkin that are truly appropriate for my next adventure south.

Here is what they say about themselves. I could not agree more.

The human person is on a pilgrimage of the heart. The human heart is a desire seeking fulfillment; an emptiness that longs to be filled full; a journey that moves toward rest. O Lord, you have made us for yourself, and our poor heart is without rest, restless till it rest in you! (St Augustine, Confessions I:1). The human person is created in the image of God. The biblical locus for this image, and the source of this unlimited thirst for its Creator-Source, is the human heart. Deep is calling on deep, in the roar of waters (Ps.42:8). The depths of God call out to our depths. The Mystery calls out to the mystery of each person. The Presence first seeks us. Love firstloves us. This love is an absolutely free gift. We cannot earn it; we cannot buy it. Love only asks for love in response.Monks are not unlike other people whose hungering hearts are in search of that Mystery who alone draws them beyond a life that is merely useful, to one that is full of meaning. Neither are monks unlike other Christians who have known the Gospel glance of love which Jesus gave to the man seeking the way to eternal life.