Water Walking for Men
Parenting is a big deal. I love being a parent. I love it because it ties everything together. It reminds me of when I was a kid. It reminds me of playing optimist soccer in Winston-Salem, NC and scoring a goal from 35 feet away from the goal. It reminds me of playing basketball as a kid. It reminds me of going to church when I was 8 years old and leaving because I did not know why we were there in the first place. It is a big deal. And then when I had my own kids, parenting really started to come into focus for me. Parenting became not just about what you do, but who you are before God.
Parenting has become somewhat of a fad. Raising kids is kinda the heart of this writing space. I think raising my children has taught me more about my own narrative, and about the narrative of God than anything else I have experienced in life. Let me explain with an example. I was at Starbucks this morning, and an image that Jude provided the early church was very appropriate for our modern day situation. We seem to be unable to direct our children. My grandfather was very much able to direct my mother, and it reveals itself in her conduct, in her thoughts about the world, and in her civic duty. But our generation is very similar to the description given by Jude. "We are like waterless clouds carried around by the wind." In other words, the "weight" of the rain has become inverted. The reality/actuality of "weight" has gone missing. I am no expert, but I do assume that clouds consist mainly as "agents of carrying rain." And when we are missing the main ingredient of the natural world ( the rain), or symbolically, our God given capacity, we become something different. And so, our generation is being currently "carried around by the wind." We live beneath the shadow of cross of September 11th, 2001. We have been brought to our knees, but we have forgotten that being on our knees is a positive thing. We realized, on that day, that there is much more to life than amassing money. In fact, there is something morally repugnant about flying a large plane into the side of a structure. Our parents did raise us well, because, we responded to that blast with a rousing, "That was terribly wrong, and that was terribly tragic." It ripped the fibers of our country, and I think because of that day, we have been reminded that "morality" is the centerpiece of any public debate and any public policy.
Parenting books have an inherent "moral compass" that makes them worthy of their weight. And yet, I believe that they are often directed toward women. "Bringing up Boys" is a case where this is largely corrected, and I am thankful for that work. But still, most books are written with women in mind. How do you bathe your child? What are good habits for sleeping? This is not a surprise. Women do the hard work. They deliver the baby. They even, in the South, are expected to create the “perfect nursery,” for their child. I think this is kinda silly. Missing the mark on the nursery can be a major ordeal inRaleigh , North Carolina
Parenting has become somewhat of a fad. Raising kids is kinda the heart of this writing space. I think raising my children has taught me more about my own narrative, and about the narrative of God than anything else I have experienced in life. Let me explain with an example. I was at Starbucks this morning, and an image that Jude provided the early church was very appropriate for our modern day situation. We seem to be unable to direct our children. My grandfather was very much able to direct my mother, and it reveals itself in her conduct, in her thoughts about the world, and in her civic duty. But our generation is very similar to the description given by Jude. "We are like waterless clouds carried around by the wind." In other words, the "weight" of the rain has become inverted. The reality/actuality of "weight" has gone missing. I am no expert, but I do assume that clouds consist mainly as "agents of carrying rain." And when we are missing the main ingredient of the natural world ( the rain), or symbolically, our God given capacity, we become something different. And so, our generation is being currently "carried around by the wind." We live beneath the shadow of cross of September 11th, 2001. We have been brought to our knees, but we have forgotten that being on our knees is a positive thing. We realized, on that day, that there is much more to life than amassing money. In fact, there is something morally repugnant about flying a large plane into the side of a structure. Our parents did raise us well, because, we responded to that blast with a rousing, "That was terribly wrong, and that was terribly tragic." It ripped the fibers of our country, and I think because of that day, we have been reminded that "morality" is the centerpiece of any public debate and any public policy.
Parenting books have an inherent "moral compass" that makes them worthy of their weight. And yet, I believe that they are often directed toward women. "Bringing up Boys" is a case where this is largely corrected, and I am thankful for that work. But still, most books are written with women in mind. How do you bathe your child? What are good habits for sleeping? This is not a surprise. Women do the hard work. They deliver the baby. They even, in the South, are expected to create the “perfect nursery,” for their child. I think this is kinda silly. Missing the mark on the nursery can be a major ordeal in
As I waited and watched, for our baby to come out, I felt incredibly powerless. It seems that this would not be an issue. But, think about this. Men are supposed to feel power, all the time. Men are supposed to be in control. In this moment, when I waited for my wife to give birth to our child, I was drained of all my energy. I was like a plant without water. As the man, I often feel like I am on the sidelines. I experience the joy of the first glimpse, but the pain and pushing is mostly contained within Anna. But there is something-deeper going on within me, as I wait for this baby. I am changing. I am noticing my value. I am able to value myself even when I fail. How so? I am able to be imperfect, and still be good enough. This is a huge change for me.
My goal is one thing: to start a conversation with men about being fathers. I have never had this conversation with a man, and so I am yearning for it, through this book. My dad and I have talked, but I need more than my dad to talk with me! I want a community to talk about these things. Maybe, it is good to be selfish, in this case.I am growing more compassionate for my wife. I am falling in love with my wife again. And, more than these things, I am afraid of sharing what I have to say, despite the fact that I have heard other men share their hearts with me. It is one thing to hear another man share their heart, but it is quite different having the courage to share mine. I am stepping out on the water. For me, expressing my feelings is a goal, but it must become a reality, not just a goal. Expressing my anger, and expressing my sense of powerlessness, is possibly the hardest task for men in the journey of water walking.
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| Josie first time flower girl |
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