Becoming a dad

Becoming a dad is something that happens slowly. Typically the babe needs 9 months to get ready for the world. At that rate, I had lots of prep-time. Fatherhood is something all together different. It’s akin to a large brick sinking to the dregs of a pool. For example, when I first learned to drive a car, it was different. My teacher sat in the car with me, and even had a makshift break peddle that would stop our car if I became reckless. He helped me along almost every step. As a father, though, I did not have a guy to my right, nor did I have my dad giving me directions, and neither did I seem to want any help. I was, in essence, all alone as I tried to figure it all out. This is daunting. This is craziness. Imagine that I tried to get ready for the Tour de France all alone? Imagine you try to race in the Tour De France and you find out that you are the only contestant? Our individualistic culture spits on any attempts to live in community, or to raise children with the help of neighbors and friends. But health comes with a broader structure beneath. Strength comes from the help of deeply placed beams, in the cement of life. These architectual strongholds are the friends, communities, churches, and brothers and sisters that help us raise our children.

When I look back to my childhood, I see several things. But perhaps arching over them all was the presence of grandparents. Why is this? This is because I yearned for their thoughts, I yearned for their love, and I yearned to be held by their affection. I seek solace in the written word today because I feel like we are slowly loosing the grips and the community which granddad and grandma provided. Health insurance is great, but grandma is better.

But I do not even just need to write. I need a hot cup of coffee and a friend on the other end of the couch. I need dialogue. This is why I have chosen to write this book as if I were at the Raleigh Times drinking with a buddy. And this is why I am putting these words on a blog, so that I can hear from you, so that I can hear if you are likewise interested in walking this pilgrimage of being a father, being a man, and being real.